I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
