Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
