The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
