508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
