Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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