Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
vagina is talking i cant
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize