u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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