I'm so fucking centered right now
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
