I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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