so that wasnt chicken after all
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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