I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
