he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
