Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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