Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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