i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just gift wrapped bread.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
