I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
