my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We are two peas in an std pod
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
