I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
