This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
