If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
