Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
