Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
