So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
