part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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