You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
