Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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