Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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