There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
