Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
