Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
