i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
