Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
