I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
