we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
you never un-have a 4some
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
