I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
