dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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