I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
