I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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