i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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