he puts the penis in happiness.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
