You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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