I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You have to summon your inner elephant
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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