Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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