so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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