Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You don't make any sense
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