Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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