im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
