There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im holly from the hills drunk
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
