i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
