It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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