My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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