Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
