I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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