You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
