Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
