I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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