just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
