How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
