You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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