hotel room ftw
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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