You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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