Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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