I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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