did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Of course I have a pirate flag
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
