dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
