In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
