I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
