It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
