I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
