"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize