Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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