We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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