Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
