Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
