I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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