I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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