oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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