A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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