Jerry, you need to find god
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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