I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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