I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
