i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
