Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
