I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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